Imagine a fight to the death, underwater. Jacques Cousteau in full scuba gear (and two machetes) vs a tiny yet nasty blie-ringed octopus.

This resolves to my judgement. Try to convince me what would happen in the comments. Relevant information might include things like speculation on how fast it's possible to swing a machete, how fast a blue-ringed octopus can swim, Jacques Cousteau's reaction time and other interesting tidbits. If both die, that counts as a tie.