Update: finally went on a date, but she hasn't responded to any follow-up messages.

Are you straight?

Yep. Straight, cis male in my 20s.

Do you own chinos?

@NivlacM Nope. I had not heard of those until now.

Update: No girlfriend yet. I'm on a few dating apps but it hasn't gone well- no dates. I've also tried asking out women in person but they're typically either taken or not attracted to men.

What fraction of them have been not attracted to men?

Update?

@benjaminIkutab no progress. Anything more specific you'd suggest as a shareholder?

What exactly is the bottleneck, you get plenty of matches, but you don't like any of their conversations?

@benjaminIkuta I don't get matches and I don't really attend non-rationalist-adjacent social events (since I don't hear about them). I'm not entirely sure what I should do.

@JoeC get better photos. Use Photofeeler, hire a photographer if you need to. Join the Optimized Dating discord server for advice.

@benjaminIkuta I see. Do you know of any good places to hire a photographer?

Cheap: https://www.snappr.com/

Expensive: https://thematchartist.com/

You can also search Instagram for the hashtag "[city name]photographer"

@benjaminIkuta if you go with Snappr or Instagram, for best results, evaluate their portfolio first by either asking on the discord or testing the photos on Photofeeler

i would not recommend getting a photographer! i think taking casual pictures with friends is a much more authentic way to go

Lucky you, having friends! But yes, that's also good. Genuine smiles are superior. The best thing is having a friend who is an amateur photographer.

i think sometimes it can be awkward, but if you’re ever with a group of friends having a nice time a quick “let’s take a picture!” can go a long way

.

How's it going?

@benjaminIkuta I have been going to social events (3 10+ person events in the last week) but still do not have a girlfriend. I am also attempting to meet women online but nothing has worked out. I've found very few people that I think are compatible with me, so that's probably the biggest issue currently.

@JoeC maybe you're over filtering?

https://optimizeddating.substack.com/p/overfiltering-your-dating-pool

@benjaminIkuta Thanks for that! I don't think this is the case- I think it's more that (1) I don't meet very many women that I can hold a conversation with and (2) I lack experience going from a friendship-type relationship to a romantic-type relationship.

@JoeC That's an advantage of dating apps, it starts you out in a romantic context in the first place.

What are you doing to change this currently?

@Bebop Right now, not a ton of concrete things. I'll be moving to the bay in about a week where I expect to stay for the rest of the year. Feel free to give suggestions.

@JoeC Well you could start with getting some dating apps.

Meanwhile, you can hang out by yourself (or friends) and practicing approaching girls to come along with you for the day, it's lower pressure in case they say no, you can still chill out by yourself.

I have a usual route I take to get a day off.

There are many ways to meet or talk to girls but you have to pick one inflow method and do it.